I Love You but I Never Want to See You Again

 

I may have talked about this before but I have this problem with all the people that have and are taking care of me throughout this effing cancer. It kind of got sparked by another blog and I definitely recommend it. My Childish Cancer Su (the blogger) is chronicling her cancer experience 8 years later. She had a unique experience being a late 20 something and being treated in a pediatric clinic. In any case let get this started.

I know I have talked about my rescue ninjas. Andrea has taken real good care of me with all things infusion. She has put up with my antics like making the meds list that they print out every time I come in for some poison into a paper airplane. I have had a couple bad reactions to the drugs the pumped into me yet she still keeps coming to my rescue. But it is not just her but the entire staff her at the Jefferson OIC. Maryann has been a blessing when I needed to get stuck for a blood draw. She know just where to go for a good pain-less stick. There are the same day docs that come by on a saturday afternoon and wag there stethoscope at me because I went running before the infusion and my labs show me as dehydrated and low on electrolytes. These guys at the OIC really care about me and making sure I survive all of this.

I cannot forget the big guy. Doc Weiss has been there trying to get me fixed up from the start. He has told me like it is and worked with me when it came to the nitty gritty of my care and my life. He doesn’t really understand my running but he does understand that it is part of my healing process. Rose has been there as my filter between Doc Weiss and me. She helps me with further communications outside of the clinic setting. She remains patient with me and my insanity. Though we disagree about tattoos it is a moot point since I have relapsed. Of course there are all the people that have kept me still standing while I was an inpatient. Tina yelling at me about eating will always stick with me. I could go on and on but I think I have made the point. There are some amazing people behind me throughout this experience. I love them dearly but…

… I never want to see them again. Well I want to get to that point where I never see them again. They feel the same way. Not just because I am a pain in the ass but because that is the goal. We all want to get this anti-fungal done and the infection gone. Then in due time starts the chemo. We have a plan in place for that. Then when we have killed the crap out of this cancer and I have gotten my left lung back then I will move on to the stem cell transplant. Again we have a plan in place for that as well. I know after that there will be follow ups and potentially more infusions of some poison. But we all want the end result.

That is me winning and getting back to my old life perhaps back in Tennessee or here or somewhere else. Who knows but in the end I want to exit to that elevator for the last time and never look back. I found this second family that I cherish with all my heart but I know they only for a little while and I will happily say goodby. The best/worst part is they feel the same way. What a effed up relationship. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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